Skulduggery Pleasant: The Octopus Man
by ElenreailSparks
Summary: A short story with Skulduggery and Valkyrie defeating a new race of creatures. What are they? And who could be controlling them? Also, why is a certain american friend returning...
1. Moron

**Heya people! Any type of comments and suggestions are very welcome. This is just a short story I thought of randomly to help me get started. Enjoy.**

* * *

Valkyrie rushed round the corner, trying to avoid the tentacles that seemed to be able to anticipate her every move. She dived, ducked and side stepped the oncoming waves of relentless attacks, cursing Skulduggery under her breath. Why the hell was she always the first one to arrive when some kind of mad man was on the loose? Well, if you could call this a man. It was more like a hybrid of an octopus and strange, obese man to be honest. He was large and purple with tentacles the size of a small elephant, spewing from his body, each tipped with a silver spike. She focused on his eyes which were red with hate and lust. The tentacles lunged for her again but she jumped the feeble attempt to trip her.

"Pleasant! You said there was no such thing as octopus people!", Valkyrie shouted.

"Ah well, yes. But these are not octopus people. This is an octopus man." Skulduggery replied.

"You know, sometimes, you are just a complete and utter..."

"Don't swear"

"Moron!"

"You seem to enjoy insulting me. I don't think that's to healthy"

"Moron" she muttered.

Skulduggery addressed the crazed man. "Hello there, sorry about my friend here, she can get awfully annoying sometimes. It's just all the insulting that puts me off"

"Skulduggery! I will go and burn your hat collection if you do not shut up"

"There see off again! Anyway would you mind surrendering, because I would quiet like to go and check on my hat collection." The creature smiled and waved its large tentacles into the air. It then began to chant some kind of strange ritual which consisted of a lot of screaming and running in circles.

"Well, he certainly seems happy…"

"Skul, think of something quick!"

"Ugh, well if I have to", he calmly walked towards the flailing, screaming man. "Hello again! I was just wondering if you knew that, the sparrow flies south for the winter." With that, Skulduggery punched the octopus man straight in the jaw, who then crumpled to the ground. "There" he said happily, "Now get him in the Bentley."

"Why me?"

"Because I thought of the idea to punch him. Therefore, I am the brains and you are the muscle."

"Actually, you are neither"

"Val, your intelligence knows no bounds. Now get him in the Bentley"

"Moron", Valkyrie cursed, as she manipulated the air to lift the crumpled man.


	2. Squidies

**Sorry I took so long to update. Again if you have any suggestions or ideas they are all welcome! Enjoy.**

The car slowly came to a halt outside a dilapidated, grey house. "Why are we here? I kind of thought the unconscious man in the boot would mean we had to get a move on…" Valkyrie inquired.

"Oh no reason in particular…" Skulduggery replied. Valkyrie chocked back a laugh, "Your stuck aren't you! You don't know what that thing is"

"No of course I do, it's a creature"

"Very clever… anything else you want to add?"

"Ah well,… um, yes, he is from a long race of them and uh, large tentacles… water…ugh and you know they swim with… banana… hats" he mumbled.

"Banana hats?"

"Okay I might be a tad bemused"

They entered the house to meet a large, jolly man who had a huge welcoming grin planted on his face. "Hello there! How are you? Skulduggery what a lovely surprise! Come in, come in. I have great news."

"Oh really? And you are?" asked Valkyrie.

"Etran Lurd, at your service, discoverer of all creatures who contain magic, I assume you have heard of the Nidale race, they are one of my discoveries, ah well, like I was saying, I have great news! Yes, well, not great, more like deadly but highly interesting!"

"Etran, what have you done?" inquired Skulduggery, who by now was quite enjoying Etran's cheerful mood.

"I have discovered a new deadly race of half man and half squid! They live on both the land and the sea however they are rarely seen due to their nasty habit of cloaking. Would you like a sandwich?"

"Wait a minute we have a new, potentially dangerous race on the loose and you're asking us, if we would like to have lunch?" shouted Valkyrie, who was now pacing across the room, back and forth.

"Etran, we have recently caught one of these creatures, what can you tell us about them?"

"Well as I was saying, they have an ability that allows them to 'cloak' themselves and so effectively, they become invisible. Also, they like to travel in packs of usually five or six, strange you only saw one, very strange"

"He might have been lost" said Valkyrie hopefully.

"No this rarely happens, you see from what I have discovered these packs of creatures treat each other as if they are one being. Losing a member from the pack would be like you losing your arm. And what would you do if you lost your arm?"

"I would seek revenge"

"Exactly"

"Well, we beat one up, we could take on five right Skul?"

"Of course" replied Skulduggery.

"No." screamed Etran.

"What? Why?"

"There is more than one pack Skulduggery, many more. We do not know how the other packs would react to you beating up their fellow people. It could create a war in which we do not know the enemy."

"So what, we wait for this pack to find us, take us by surprise and then do God knows what to us! No!" Valkyrie exclaimed.

"Etran, what do we do? Tell me, anything you know"

"I'm sorry Skulduggery I have told you everything I have discovered"

xXx

They walked slowly back to the Bentley. Valkyrie's hair wiped across her face as she stared at the ground, head down, shoulders slumped looking downright depressed.

"Cheer up" Skulduggery said, "At least my pride isn't shattered,"

"What do you mean?"

"I was right all along"

"What?"

"It is not an octopus man, it is a squid man. I'm going to call them 'Squidies' any objections? No. Good. Come on we have to go and check on Bob"

"Bob?"

"Yes, Bob the squidie, has a nice ring to it, don't you think?"

"No…"

"Well, next time we find a new race of deadly hybrid creatures, you can name them, okay?"

"I am assuming you have some sort of plan"

"Nope. Not a clue" replied Skulduggery cheerfully.


	3. Sunflowers

**This is for my sister, a huge fan of Ghastly. Thanks for helping me with my ideas, ClarabelleWannabe. Also, thank you to Skerridge for the nice confidence boost!**

They arrived at the Sanctuary only to find Ghastly waiting patiently outside the doors. He had his head slumped and arms crossed while holding a frown upon his scarred face. He was slowly tapping his foot against the concrete pavement when he saw the Bentley arrive. "Where the bloody hell have you two been? Skulduggery I have been calling you constantly! Don't you know what chaos is going on here?", Ghastly sighed.

"How did you find out? Did Etran call you? I told him not to tell a soul. That man can never keep a bloody secret…" exclaimed Skulduggery.

"What are you on about? I need your help choosing a new outfit for my role as an elder. They said if I could get more than thirty people of a high…"

"Look it doesn't matter about your robes; we have a bigger problem on our hands"

"What can be worse than mixing a mustard yellow robe with a brown sash? I look like a sunflower!"

"While that may be true, you have bigger things to worry about"

"Such as?"

"A new deadly race of half man and half squid are potentially going to start a war."

"Only because you hit one of them" , chirped Valkyrie.

"Well I was going to leave out that bit… "

"Can I not leave you two alone for one day?" yelled Ghastly.

"Ghastly, Ghastly, Ghastly. If only you knew what goes on behind the Sanctuary. Anyway, as I was saying we seem to have an epidemic of invisible Squidies on our hands and I was wondering if we could borrow your pet, Doctor Nye, to examine one"

"You killed it?"

"No, no , no, just gave it a slight shake to the brain which seems to have left a bit well… unconscious. By the way 'it' is not an 'it' he is called Bob. Bob the squidie. Now if you will excuse us."

Skulduggery threw Bob over his shoulder and proceeded to carry on through the Sanctuary doors with Valkyrie close behind. They passed through the white corridors until they reached a room marked by a sign, 'Surgery of magical creatures, Keep Out!'. Skulduggery knocked once and entered without waiting for the reply.

"Ah, Mr Pleasant what have you got there?", asked Nye (it didn't do introductions).

"It's a new found species half man and half squid we need to know its weaknesses, its strengths and how to kill it easily. You think you can do that?"

"What's in it for me?"

Skulduggery placed Bob on to the surgeons table slowly, as if to contemplate his next action and then raised his gun towards Nye.

"How about not dying?"

Nye strode sluggishly to Skulduggery, his arms trailing behind until they were face to face.

"That seems reasonable"

xXx


	4. Hats

**Hello again Skulduggery fans! Thank you to Fire Child 123 for the lovely comment on Ghastly! Again any ideas or comments or suggestions are welcome! Enjoy.**

Nye took the scalpel and raised it to the Bunsen burner to be sterilised. He started to make the incision into the waist and a neat line opened spewing an inky black substance.

"This will take time and concentration. Leave me."

Valkyrie was turning a slight shade of green and put her hand to her mouth. "Fine by me, I think I might just…" She sprinted out of the room leaving Nye and Skulduggery standing awkwardly beside each other.

"Any funny business and I will personally put a bullet through your head", Skulduggery then strode out of the room and into the corridor just in time to see Valkyrie being sick into a woman's handbag.

xXx

"You know, you always seem to get me into huge trouble, and I am starting to think you do it on purpose!" , shouted Skulduggery as he ran through the maze of corridors.

"Me! How is it my fault?"

"Val, you were sick in her handbag"

"Well I didn't know it was China's. Honest!"

A bookcase began to hurtle itself towards Skulduggery, he slid across the floor and it passed over him, smashing in to the wall.

"Valkyrie Cain! When I get hold of you, I will tear you limb by limb. I will detach your he…"

"Bloody hell China get a grip, it was a handbag not an artefact"

"It was the only bag that went with these shoes!"

"Now you're just being melodramatic"

She screeched and threw a punch at Skulduggery. He ducked a jabbed her side then kicked her behind the knee. Chinas legs buckled and she was down to one knee. Skulduggery wrapped his arm around her neck and twisted her into a headlock.

"I think we can stop being childish and act like grown adults. Agreed? No? I don't care. Get up and shake hands. Now."

Valkyrie and China reluctantly shook. "Good. Now China before you tried to kill Val, I was going to ask if you had heard anything that might be of interest"

China straightened herself up and fixed her pristine emerald blouse. "Well Skulduggery actually I have heard something…"

"Great, what is it?"

China sighed, "A certain American friend has appeared in England and word is that, he is heading this way"

"What? Why would that coward want to come back to Ireland?" asked Val.

"I don't think he has ever forgiven you, when you took his razor. And then you cut him with it. And then you foiled his plan. On the whole, I think it's strange he didn't return sooner."

"Well isn't that just dandy"

xXx

It was strange being in Skulduggery's house. It was just so… warm and welcoming. She liked to just sit and take in the beauty of its charisma and scent. The smell of burning log fires and strangely, coffee. Valkyrie felt safe here. Just her and Skulduggery talking about witty, clever little things that made her smile and laugh. She enjoyed to explore when she thought Skulduggery wasn't looking, and to try on his many hats that he stashed in his huge wardrobe. What she didn't know is that Skulduggery does watch her, and chuckles at the faces she pulls when trying on each of his favourite hats and scarfs.

He entered the walk in wardrobe and tried to act surprised when he saw Val in a fez.

"Um, I was just… um checking for spiders! Yes, no spiders here."

"Well that's good. For a minuet there I thought you were trying on my hats"

"Me and hats don't mix. Ha ha no way…Oh and by the way, never wear this fez." Val, exclaimed.

"Why? Fezzes are cool."

"N… E… V… E… R…"

xXx


	5. Sedna

**Hello again. Thank you to ****Justrockzyxxx**** and Amy, awesome reviews! Again, comments and ideas are very welcome. Enjoy!**

_I'm back, finally. Ugh, I hate this dam weather. Why does it always rain here? Can't I just have some nice weather for a nice murder? These Irish know nothing about what's coming. Not the sanctuary, not Skulduggery. This time, I will win. This time, I will get her. This time, Valkyrie Cain will die. _

"_Sanguine, it is almost time." _

_He turned to find who was talking, but faced only shadows and darkness. "You don't need to hide li'l darlin'. You will be free soon. I will do my job and you do yours. Fair and square."_

"_This is not a time for jokes. She is powerful, dangerous even. We cannot mess this up. This is my last chance."_

"_I know. I will not fail you."_

_Billy-Ray walked further into the alleyway, took one glance back into the shadows, then lowered into the ground which crumbled beneath his feet._

xXx

Valkyrie was curled up on Skulduggery's couch, sleeping softly beside the warmth of the log fire. Skulduggery casually swept a blanket over her and then paused to take in the innocence of the young girl. For the first time, he saw her beauty and stillness. No anger or frustration, just pure innocence and vulnerability. "You can handle yourself in battle and yet look so innocent when asleep…", Skulduggery whispered, and then returned to read his novel.

Ten minutes later, five short bursts of chimes filled the room and Valkyrie stirred from her sleep. "Ugh…noooo, please… I don't want to go to work…"

"It's the phone"

"You have a phone?"

Skulduggery pressed the green dial and held the phone to where his ear would be.

"Pleasant, speaking."

"_Skulduggery, it's Ghastly. We have information on the Squidies. Firstly, they can only be killed by fire. Hitting and stabbing them isn't enough as they have the ability to regenerate. Secondly, Bob has confessed that he knows where they colony of Squidies come together."_

"Good, anything else?"

"_They seem to have a leader, Sedna."_

"She is just an Artic legend…"

"_It would seem not"_

"Thank you Ghastly, keep me updated"

"_Always"_

Skulduggery put down the phone and sighed. Valkyrie sat up, "Another mystery legend, and this time from the Artic. Great. Who is 'she'"

"The story varies from one region to the next. However, in all versions, a young woman becomes the mother of all sea creatures. As the sea goddess, Sedna has dominion over her creatures and controls the availability of seal, walrus, fish, whale, and other sea animals to Inuit hunters. It would seem she also has control over Squidies."

"You don't really believe in this do you?"

"Valkyrie, I have seen many things. I don't know what to believe any more."

xXx


	6. White Horses

**Thankyou for so much support! Keep reviewing (well I need someone to check for mistakes!) Any suggestions and ideas are very welcome! Enjoy.**

Skulduggery stood silently, staring out into the sea. He watched the waves crash onto the yellow gleaming sand, like white horses galloping across the beach. The sky was a dark inflamed red which mixed into the sun's bright light as it set behind the vast ocean. It was perfect and beautiful, stunning even. "So this is where the Squidies are based?" asked Valkyrie. Skulduggery turned and watched as she skipped gracefully towards him. She was in her usual black outfit, which was now becoming a bit tight for his liking, "No. Bob said they are based in the sea to the north of the pier and west of the lighthouse. Here I have got you something."

"For me? What is it?"

"Are we going to have another conversation about a package's reason to be?"

"No thanks, I think I will just open it…"

"Good"

Valkyrie ripped the golden paper from the present and gasped when she saw the new clothes. There was a hooded, full length jacket (in black of course) with a beautiful weaving design, a matching tank top and deep black trousers. "I… I love them. Thank you. I am going to put them on. Be right back!" she laughed. Valkyrie then sprinted behind the sand banks, her hair flying behind her, nearly tripping on the unstable sand. Skulduggery chuckled at her delighted reaction, and then continued to stare into the sea.

xXx

Ten minutes later Valkyrie returned, still smiling. "How do I look?". Skulduggery grinned, the outfit fitted her perfectly and the hood not only framed her face but protected her as well. She looked stunning. "Oh I don't know… I mean compared to me, I would say you looked moderately beautiful."

"Skul…"

"Dashing! I meant extremely dashing…."

"Stop talking"

"Okay"

"So if the squidies are in the sea, how do we reach them?"

"We swim"

"Really?"

"Yes. All the fish will give us an escort and bring us air bubbles… good God Val, of course not, it's at the bottom of the sea."

"Then what do we do?"

"Valkyrie, we have the ability to control the elements; air, water, fire and earth. All we have to do is manipulate the water to create a bubble of air around us as we travel down in to the sea. Well I say 'we', what I mean is, me. This is far too advanced for you as an elemental and so we will have to share the air bubble. Ready?"

"You bet I am"

"Then hold on to me, tightly. I'm going to need to concentrate so try not to speak."

They walked on top of the waves. Valkyrie held tightly onto Skulduggery, as if she let go she would end up at the bottom of the dark, endless, black pool. The red sky was merging into a dusky black and the stars gleamed brightly. She glanced into Skulduggery's empty eye sockets as they lowered into the murky sea.

xXx


	7. Air Bubbles

**Thankyou my followers, ****ClarabelleWannabe, DeadGirl4Ever, Fire child 123, Justrockzyxxx, Skerridge and shusto croke! Any suggestions and ideas welcome blah blah blah… Enjoy! By the way if you have any questions just ask and I will answer the best I can!**

They started their decent into the indigo sea. It was strange, to see the water passing over the bubble of air. Every so often it would ripple as Skulduggery lost concentration, which led to Valkyrie having a panic attack every few minutes, and so she gripped tighter until her knuckles were white. The sea was a murky, inky black. Fish darted past in shoals with puzzled expressions, well it wasn't every day you see a magic bubble of air, carrying magical people. Minutes seemed like hours as they searched for an opening in the jagged rocks. Finally, Skulduggery paused and pointed his gloved hand to a large crack. They pressed on into the opening jaws of the rock and began to rise.

xXx

Valkyrie stepped out on to the metal plated floor, and collapsed to the ground. She gulped the fresh air. "I am never doing that again! Ever."

"Well how do you think we are going to get out of here when we're done?"

"Anything but traveling by air bubble. They might have a submarine…"

"They can live in water and on land. They will not have a submarine. Which makes me wonder…"

"Wonder what?"

"Think Val. You want to be a detective. Well detect."

Valkyrie stood and started to analyse the area, taking in every detail she could find. The celling was in the form of a cave, purple and jagged. However, the floors and walls was plated silver and had strange glowing jewels embedded in them which lit the room.

"Well, Etran said that the Squidies can live on land and underwater. So why would they have an underwater base that is supplied with air? Also, if their leader is a sea goddess, surely she would want to be surrounded by sea water. "

"Very good. The person who taught you must have been a genius. So why would the Squidies go through the trouble of filling their base with air?"

"They are keeping something or someone down here that lives on land?"

"Exactly, and they must be of great importance, or the Squidies wouldn't have bothered"

"So it's the leader? The sea goddess, Sedna?"

"Most likely, yes. This means she is probably not a sea goddess, and has just tricked the Squidies into thinking that."

"Then who are we dealing with?"

"I haven't got the foggiest."

xXx

They carried on walking down the many corridors and rooms, all plated with the same peculiar silver metal and jewels. Skulduggery led the way, holding his arms in front to check for disturbances in the air. Valkyrie followed close behind with a flame ready in one hand, as shadows curled the other. Skulduggery lifted his hand in a sign to stop and then darted to the wall. He slowly put his head around the coroner and the quickly jerked back.

"We may have a problem" He whispered. "There are several Squidies dancing and chanting in the next room, we are going to have to fight them."

"That's a problem?" Valkyrie grinned.

"On the count of three… one…"

Valkyrie was off like a shot, hurling a fire ball at one Squidie whilst her shadows curled around the next. "That bloody girl never does what she is told…" Skulduggery muttered as ran to join the fight. The first two squidies were down in a matter of seconds, but then the others started to disappear. "They are using their cloaking abilities. You are going to have to read the air!"

"But I'm rubbish at that!"

"Well I'm sure the Squidies are glad to hear that. To your left!"

Valkyrie spun and hurled a fire ball randomly into the air. It just caught the Squidie on its shoulder and engulfed it into flame. Three down, four more to go. Skulduggery held his arms out and Valkyrie mimicked him trying to pick up any sign. "Behind you!" she yelled. Skulduggery stretched his arms and two endless streams of fire flew from his hands. Squeals and screams erupted from the creatures as they became visible and aflame. They collapsed to the floor with a thud.

Skulduggery offered his arm to Valkyrie. "Shall we carry on?" he asked as he strode to the next corridor. "After you." Valkyrie giggled.

xXx


	8. Colorful Jewels

They carried on walking until eventually they came to a brick wall. "What? I don't understand" Skulduggery whispered as he began to examine the wall. He ran his hands along it, searching for a lever, for something which would let them carry on. Valkyrie waited behind, watching him in amusement as he became frustrated.

Suddenly, a hand began to rise out of the floor and grabbed Valkyrie by her ankle. She screamed and struggled but it was too late, she was sinking in to the ground. "Skulduggery!" She screamed as she reached for his outstretched hand. The last thing Valkyrie Cain saw before she sank into the ground was the disbelief on Skulduggery's skull.

xXx

"Hello again, li'l darlin'.Lets just stick these handcuffs on you so you can't escape. Okay?" Billy-Ray sneered. She felt the cold metal on her wrists and her magic was bound. "Well Billy-Ray, what do you have to do with the Squidies? This is getting a bit old now." Valkyrie sighed sarcastically.

"I have an agreement with their leader. A nice one and all. Haven't you figured it out yet? Ha! You must be so confused…" he sniggered.

"You could say that. What are you going to do with Skulduggery?"

"Don't you worry. You'll be seeing him in a min'. In fact I'm going to get him…"

"Great… then, take me to your leader!... I've always wanted to say that" she grinned.

They started to move faster through the dirt and then started to rise. They emerged in a golden room which was filled with many colours; so many that Valkyrie didn't recognise some of them. All of them came from the beautiful stones which surrounded a throne, and on that throne sat a beautiful woman. "No… It can't be… Why you?" Valkyrie uttered. Billy-Ray sank into the ground once more.

Minutes later, he rose from the ground again, this time with a fresh cut on his forehead and a burst lip. He held Skulduggery under his arm. "You are going to pay for that!" Sanguine shrieked, as he dropped Skulduggery to the floor. A familiar voice echoed from the throne.

"Leave him Sanguine, we must do this properly, or he will have us all killed."

Skulduggery raised his skull to greet the woman and then groaned when he saw her face. "Tanith? You are the sea goddess? Why?"

"I am sick of waiting for Darquesse to arrive. You are holding her back, keeping her at bay whilst I wait. Well I am tired of you stopping this potential, therefore you must die, and Darquesse will rise. She will lead this world into chaos and I will be her follower. Sanguine, tie him up so Valkyrie can watch him suffer and then die. Any last words, Skulduggery?"

"Just two… Be brave"

Skulduggery the jumped up and pulled on the chains with all his strength. Billy-Ray had tied him to one of the supports of the cave and without it the whole cave would collapse. It was starting to snap. Valkyrie attempted to head-butt Tanith but she was too fast and dodged it completely. A huge snap boomed throughout the room and an ominous crack followed.

"Run!" shouted Skulduggery, whose bonds were now broken. They sprinted into the nearby corridor passing all the terrified Squidies and knocking a few over as they went. "Don't just stand there. Get them!" yelled Tanith as she held on to Billy-Ray and sank into the ground to safety.

"Skulduggery, what do we do?"

"I'm sorry Val, we are going to have to use the air bubble…"

The rooms started to fill with water, flooding the corridors and silver floors. They heard the squelching of tentacles and screeching of Squidies. Skulduggery held out his arms and created a wall of fire across the corridor but it was quickly distinguished by the oncoming waves of sea water. They ran on until she saw the familiar first room she examined only a few hours ago.

"Hold on to me!" Skulduggery roared. He didn't have to ask twice! They both jumped into the murky sea once more, just as the cave collapsed and crumbled.

xXx

Back at the sanctuary, Skulduggery calmly chatted to Ghastly about what happened at the Squidies base and how Tanith was the 'sea goddess'.

"Was she okay? Did she survive?" Ghastly asked.

"Yes she lived. She went with Billy-Ray at the last minute."

"And what about the Squidies? What should we do about them?"

"Without a leader they should be harmless. I have told Bob to explain how Tanith is not Sedna and so she will be able not lead them anymore."

"Thank God for that. Did Tanith mention me at all?"

"Ghastly you have to remember… It was not her, she is controlled by the…"

"I know, sorry. Well done anyway. Tell Val, I said hi"

"I will. We will save her one day, Ghastly. Tanith will return home."

Ghastly's eyes started to fill with tears but he refused to let them fall, "I know, thankyou".

xXx

**Thanks for reading! Hope you enjoyed it. Leave a review! Just want to say thankyou (again) to ****Justrockzyxxx,**** Amy and firechild 123 for all the amazing reviews! You guys are awesome! **

xXx


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